I’m standing in the queue, waiting for my turn to withdraw my last 8k. Things tight, bro.
I’m hungry but, I have Aki Hausa with me.
God! I love that thing. And I can’t wait to start chewing it whole. Juice and chaff at the same time, and swallowing everything. They say it makes a man strong 😂😂😂
But, I have a problem. There’s a beautiful slay queen beside me. And she’s pinging hot. And I want to ask her, “babe, scuse me. Your face is familiar. Can I have your number?”
So, I cannot eat the Aki Hausa to avoid falling of hand. So, I stay tight with the hunger. Looking at slay queen, thinking what it’d feel like to hold her hands.
An Mgbuka man (his mechanic clothes gave him out,) hurriedly enters the vicinity and tries to insert himself illegally in front.
The people, as usual, revolt. “Nna, wey, come back Joor. Stay in line. Anyị nọ ebea, anyị adịrọ stupid.”
But, the guy is recalcitrant and he objects. “Abulo, let me just withdraw nah. They’re closing the market.” But, the people refuse. Everyone is in a hurry in this mad city.
Me, from where I am standing, staring at slay queen, I sense opportunity. So, I speak some queens English. “Young man stay in line. You can’t just come in and cheat the rest of us. We’re all in a hurry.”
Slay queen is like touched and she looks at me.
I notice so, I form intellectual immediately. I adjusts my tie and hides Aki Hausa properly. Hopefully, I’ll get number this evening. 😍😘
Soon, mgbuka guy is put in his place by the security and the place is quiet again, save for the noise from the street and the voice of the preacher, shouting at boys pasa n’ogbe that “drinking is bad. That all the nkwobi joints are of the devil.”
I listen to him and I couldn’t help stifling my laughter. Because the boys aren’t listening. They’re all busy with their plates of nkwobi and bottles of ooompa beer.
My eyes though, are still focused on slay queen. It is her turn and she moves.
Nna, see waist nah!😳😳😳😳😍😍😍 See ukwu and Nkiru. Nwa nwegoodi yaa. Maka chi.
I watch her punch in her password. Pin. Pin. Pin.
ATM obeys. What stupid machine wouldn’t obey such a slay queen? I’m convinced. Until the people start shouting at slay queen.
“Ọmalicha, do nah. ATM adirọ enye credit. Come out let another personal try.”
I feel for slay queen. So I move close to help, thinking she’s just experiencing a technical issue.
I want to be the intellectual who saves a slay queen. Until I get to the ATM and discovers the words ‘your account is not enough for the transaction.
Nna, I begin to withdraw small small. Not in this Buhari regime will I bring out money for slay queen again. 😂😂😂. Not after what that one did to me at Shoprite.
I gradually walk backwards. Until slay queen begins to follow. Then, I remember my Aki Hausa. And I start eating it like the hungry man I am.
If she’s not afraid, let her approach a full grown man chewing Aki Hausa for help. 😂😂
There are slay kings around. I’m not one abeg 😂😂